Adobe Support: A Masterclass in How Not to Support Customers

Let me start by saying this: if Adobe put as much effort into fixing problems as they do into apologizing for them, we’d all be living in a golden age of customer service.

Instead, what we get is… whatever this is.

The Rep Roulette

I don’t have an Adobe account manager; I have a subscription to a rotating cast of strangers. My Adobe rep changes more often than I change my socks, and honestly, I’m starting to think there’s a leaderboard somewhere for “Shortest Tenure Before Passing the Buck.”

At this point, I don’t bother learning names; I just assign them numbers like hurricanes.

Every time a new rep calls, it’s the same script:

“I’m sorry.”
“I apologize.”
“I understand.”
“I’ll take full ownership of this.”

Fantastic. We’ve got empathy covered. Now… how about literally anything else?

The Renewal Circus

Like clockwork, every renewal arrives days after the account expires. Not before. Not on time. No, after. Because nothing says “premium enterprise software” like a surprise service interruption followed by a sales call asking for money.

And then comes the call from the new rep (see above), apologizing for the inconvenience while confidently assuring me this definitely won’t happen again.

Spoiler alert: it does, and I deal with it for 12 more years!

The Great Escape (That Wasn’t)

Eventually, I do what any reasonable person would do: I give up. I close the account and go through a reseller to get a clean slate.

Clean break. Fresh start. New account. New me.

Adobe: lol, nope!

Adobe somehow links the old account to the new one, like a bad ex who still has your Netflix password, and proceeds to import 100 users. Not just current employees. Not just former employees. Apparently, they reached into the beyond and grabbed the dead ones too!

I signed nothing, agreed to nothing, and received no warning; it just happened. It appears that once you are in Adobe’s system, your account will follow you past the grave….

E-Sign? More Like E-Broken

This Frankenstein user list completely destroys our e-sign functionality. Documents stall. Permissions implode. Chaos reigns.

So I contact support, and that’s when things get truly special.

Big mistake, I know, but at this point I need to see how this ends.

The Infinite Support Loop of Doom

Here’s how it goes:

“We’ve fixed the issue.”
I try again.
It’s not fixed.
Repeat until sanity begins to fray.

Eventually, support just… stops responding. No resolution, no follow-up, just silence. A masterclass in digital ghosting.

I’ve had houseplants provide more consistent communication.

So I open another case, because clearly I enjoy pain.

Really, I can’t make this shit up.

Adobe links the new ticket to the old one! I am still trying to figure out how they resurrected the dead, and now I am back talking to the guy who ghosted me for days.

Here we go again…

“I’m sorry.”
“I apologize.”
“I understand.”
“I’ll take full ownership of this.”

It Gets Worse (Yes, Really)

More emails. More runaround. More people “looped in.”

At one point, I received an email with 59 users CC’d. This includes: CEO, COO. CFO, Probably someone’s dog.

At this point, I am waiting for someone to reply-all so we can turn this shit storm up to a category 5 hurricane!

Suddenly, we’re no longer fixing e-sign. We’re discussing GDPR, data protection, and whether we’ve accidentally triggered an international compliance incident because Adobe decided to play mix-and-match with user data.

Escalation achieved, thanks, Adobe!

And Finally… My Favorite Part

I give up for the day, thinking I’ll pick it up tomorrow.

Nope.

Instead, I spend two more hours on the phone with Adobe, on my time, explaining the same story for what feels like the hundredth time to someone brand new, who is, of course:

“Sorry.”
“Apologizing.”
“Understanding.”

At this point, I’m not convinced I’m talking to different people. It might just be one immortal Adobe entity cycling through voices.

I can only assume it is an elaborate social experiment to measure how long it takes a functioning adult to completely lose their mind.

Final Thoughts (Or: Cry for Help)

If you ever feel useless, just remember: somewhere out there is an Adobe support escalation process that exists solely to make things worse.

At this point, I don’t want an apology. I don’t want a new rep. I don’t even want a resolution.

I just want to know: how is this even real?

Oh, and how did they raise the dead?