A Love Letter to Phone Spammers (Who Clearly Didn’t Get the Memo)

There are many constants in life: taxes, death, and the relentless optimism of phone service salespeople who truly believe that this will be the call that finally breaks you.

Welcome to my daily reality.

It starts innocently enough. I’m at my desk, doing actual work (a bold concept, I know), when the phone rings. Unknown number. Of course. Because if it were someone useful, it would break the laws of physics and show up as a recognizable contact.

I let it go. I’ve developed what experts call “Call Screening Mastery,” also known as “if it’s important, they’ll leave a voicemail.”

They never do.

Instead, I get a second call. Same number, same persistence. I imagine someone in a call center whispering, “He didn’t answer… try again. THIS IS THE ONE.”

Still no answer. I’m not new here.

But phone spammers? Oh, they are not easily discouraged. They’ve clearly attended the prestigious “Never Take No for an Answer University,” where the main course is Delusional Persistence 101.

So now, the escalation phase begins.

If it’s not my desk phone, it’s my cell. Because apparently, somewhere out there, there is a sacred spreadsheet labeled “All Possible Ways to Irritate This Person”—and they’re working through it methodically.

Decline.

Decline.

Decline again.

At this point, I picture the sales rep taking it personally. “He rejected my cell call too? Wow. This guy is playing hard to get.”

Then comes the grand finale: the front desk maneuver.

Yes. When direct calls fail, they go for the assist. The classic corporate bypass.

“Hi, could you transfer me to IT?”

Of course. Because nothing says “legitimate business opportunity” like sneaking in through the front door after being repeatedly ignored at every other entrance.

And there I am, minding my own business, when suddenly:

“Hey, I have someone on the line for you…”

Fantastic. My favorite. A surprise attack.

When You Work in IT, You Are Everyone’s Favorite Target

Let’s talk about this special dynamic.

If you work in IT, congratulations—you are officially a magnet for every salesperson selling anything that plugs into a wall, touches a network, or has the word “cloud” in a sentence.

• Phone systems
• Internet upgrades
• Cybersecurity solutions
• “Revolutionary” platforms that somehow do everything except make coffee

And every single one of them is absolutely convinced that you’re just one conversation away from realizing your entire infrastructure is wrong.

“We just want 15 minutes of your time…”

No, you don’t.
You want 15 minutes, a 30-minute follow-up, a demo, a proof of concept, and then a six-month email campaign where you refer to me as “my friend” in a tone that suggests we’ve been through something together.

Phone Service Salespeople: The Final Boss

Now let’s focus on the true champions of this art form: phone service salespeople.

Their resilience is unmatched. Their confidence is unshakable. Their ability to ignore rejection borders on inspirational—if it weren’t happening to me.

You can say:

• “We’re not interested.”
• “We’re under contract.”
• “Please remove us from your list.”
• “This line is actively on fire, and I cannot talk right now.”

Doesn’t matter.

They hear:

“Try again later with more enthusiasm.”

It’s like they operate under a completely different definition of “no.”

Normal people hear “no” and think, “Okay, message received.”
Phone salespeople hear “no” and think, “Ah, a puzzle.”

The Persistence Olympics

Honestly, if persistence were an Olympic sport, these folks would dominate.

Events would include:

• Rapid Redial Sprint – How fast can you call back after being ignored?
• Channel Switching Relay – Desk phone, cell phone, front desk transfer—all in under five minutes
• Objection Deflection Freestyle – Turning “no thanks” into “what if I send you an email?”

Gold medal, every time.

A Modest Proposal

At this point, I believe we need a mutual understanding.

If I don’t answer:

• It’s not mysterious.
• It’s not accidental.
• It’s definitely not an invitation to escalate.

It is, in fact, a complete sentence.

In Closing

To all phone spammers out there: I admire your dedication. Truly. Your ability to keep going in the face of overwhelming indifference is something most of us can only dream of.

But if I ignore:

• My desk phone
• My cell phone
• And your clever front desk detour

…there’s a tiny possibility—just a theory—that I might not be interested.

Or, and hear me out, maybe I’m just busy doing my job… the one where I specifically don’t have time to discuss your exciting new phone service that promises to “revolutionize communication,” while simultaneously making me want to stop using phones entirely.

But hey—feel free to call back.

I’m sure the fourth attempt will be the charm.